Have generally been irking me lately. People all over. The ones I live with, the ones I hang out with, the ones who I know only through the internet, even the people I don't know or talk to just piss me off beyond belief.

I'm trying to figure out if it's just me if I'm just a shit person or the people I'm talking to. Normally I'd say it's me, because I normally say it's me, but what if for once, it's not? Thinking about it again, it cna't be everyone though, which brings it back to me. Half the time I feel like I can only please people by shutting the fuck up and sitting back, then they just forget about me or leave me behind because it realy isn't like you can't find another person who'll stay out of the picture for you, and you can always find one smarter or prettier or thinner. Not that hard. So then I try to be myself but lately I've just been such a fuck up. I can't say the right things, I can't do the right things, and I feel like I'm a step behind everyone else: socially, academically, name it. It's frustrating.

Normally it's not that bad but now it is. And I have no cooping system. I just get really quiet and sleep or cry. And when I cry I just get called a cry baby. So there's no point in that. My head's just a jumbled mass of saddness and dark thoughts and I have no idea what to fucking do. I have  no one to talk to, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I have no way to deal with my feelings besides creatively and I just don't want to do it like that. When I do I just get compliments about how good my pencil stuff is in school. Everyone's impressed and then they just look away. I don't get it.

I wish this process was a lot simpler. I really do.